Adapting in 2023: Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

Love vs. Abuse: Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

    I've learned you can't define love. There isn't a singular definition that applies to all relationships. Relationships come in all different forms. Not one relationship is the same as the next. And if you can't define love, you should not let love define you. Because once love defines you, it becomes you. You wrap yourself up in a relationship and lose sight of everyone and everything else. And it is scary when this love isn't "real love." Instead of love, it is abuse. And it's most dangerous when you are so wrapped up in the relationship that you don't even realize it is plagued with abuse. Love can be an illusion. Abuse can be love in disguise. It can be the most subtle part of a relationship; if not caught early enough, it becomes too late. Too late to leave. And too late to see a life outside your relationship. 

Like love, abuse comes in all different forms: physical, sexual, and emotional. All being just as damaging as the next. When this abuse becomes overlooked, brushed aside, and even normalized, there is no going back. And in some cases, the abuse of another can cause you to become abusive. The relationship becomes unhealthy. It becomes toxic. In Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? by Edward Albee, Martha and George's relationship is a perfect example of how complex abusive relationships are. From the beginning of the playwright, we witness verbal and emotional abuse, and as the story progresses, more and more of Martha and George's demons are revealed. It is transparent that they both share a resentment towards one another. But this resentment isn't just how they feel. It is how they act. 

Martha is the perfect portrayal of what it is like to be in an abusive relationship and also what it is like to take part in the abuse. Martha shares the most insight because she is the most extroverted character. She enjoys humiliating and verbally degrading George any chance she gets, whether it be straightforward or backhanded. On the other hand, George isn't as outgoing. He is laid back, but when he gets annoyed or frustrated, his demons come out. George shows little care for Martha and, at times, gets physical with her. The way Martha and George interact with one another leaves no room for questioning whether their relationship is abusive or not. The abuse and the dysfunctionality of their relationship are clear. 

If the abuse and dysfunctionality is clear to us, why isn't it clear to them? Why doesn't she leave? Why doesn't George leave? These are the very questions that are difficult to answer if you have never been in an abusive relationship. But Martha's monologue gives insight into these questions. She shows us when pushed far enough, the abuse in relationships can go both ways. Martha feeds off of George's insecurities, and she shows no remorse. Although, while I was reading, I felt this wasn't her true personality. It isn't how she really treats people. I felt as though George pushed her so much over the edge the only thing she knew was to hurt him back. Her monologue shows her desire for a good relationship with George. It shows her insecurities and ownership of her abusive behavior. Martha reveals this is a love she won't break away from. And deep down, it is a love she doesn't want to break away from. 

When love and abuse intertwine, there isn't an easy way out. One can feel so in love that all other things don't matter. Vicious words or physical violence become insignificant. Once you are consistently broken down and hurt, you don't matter anymore. The relationship is all that matters. You feel as though the persistent pain is worth even the smallest sign of affection. It is worth the slightest sign of love. And when you choose the relationship over yourself, when you decide to cast aside the pain, cast aside the abuse, you are doing the most dangerous thing you can do. You are confusing love with abuse. You are accepting a love that is in disguise. A love that isn't right. And once you accept this, once you continue to put yourself through this, it gets harder to escape. It gets more challenging to find yourself again and be on your own. And, in the end, even if you don't leave, even if you stay, you will be alone.